Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
