yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
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I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
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WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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