What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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