Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
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why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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