Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
