The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
