So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
