I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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