matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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