Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
