I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
