My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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