my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
