Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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