she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
