When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i think my cat just said my name.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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