Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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