I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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