I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
