at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
