Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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