He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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