"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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