Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
