I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
