here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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