I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
