I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
