Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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