dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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