wakey wakey hands off snakey
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
