i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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