I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
