I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
