You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
