If i come over, it means nothing
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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