wrigley field is MILF paradise
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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