so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
