I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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