I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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