New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
