We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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