I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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