it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
