Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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