p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
