So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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