Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How external is "for external use only"?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
