If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
