my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Hippo gnu deer
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
