either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize