...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize