just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
