he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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