Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It was confusing and full of hummus
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
