I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
