dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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