All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
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Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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