I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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