i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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