Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
