You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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