just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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