Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
