remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
