last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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