If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
