Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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