I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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