I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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