i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
