Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
