it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
