Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
