The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Did I show you my penis last night?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
