Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My vagina just clenched in fear
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
