I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If I die, sorry about rent.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
