Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
