Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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