I molested 6 butterflies tonight
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
