Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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