I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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