I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
