I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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