Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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