it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize