we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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