I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
