if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
