yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
