I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
