omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
