I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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