so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
