After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
