omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
