I wish i was in the wii world.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
