what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
