Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
