You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
