i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
